Already got asked if we're dating
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize