Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
