Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
