And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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