I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
