he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
