I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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