I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
