if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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