she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
