so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
