Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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