Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
