I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
