what day is it and did you see me today?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize