he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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