Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
