she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
