Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She announced her abortion via fbk
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
