I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
