yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I cut my penus on the lid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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