I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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