"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
