My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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