Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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