i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
