Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
