my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
