I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
