I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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