Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
