I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
don't judge my taste in strippers
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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