Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
