ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
