i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
