I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
