Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize