so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
