don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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