I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
