I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
