so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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