why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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