Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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