I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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