I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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