i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
