how can u be prego again
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
