Don't you send me to vm
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
