Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We need a shit load of segways right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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