hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We have started to decorate penises.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
