I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How naked do you want me to be?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize