Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
