What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
