I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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