people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
