we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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