Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
