After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
