I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
