I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
