dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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