People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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