idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
