it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize