Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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