I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
