I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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