Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize