the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
