He kissed a someone with a penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
