the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
