I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
