a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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