I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
