Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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