My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The ass gains better be worth it
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