Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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