thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
