Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
