do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
