you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
