I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
