I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
