Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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