if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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