there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
