At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
