I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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