You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
