Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
