I've blown a few things in my day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
