You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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