Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
