I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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