Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize