The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
