K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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