just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
