I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
