dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
