Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
