dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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