I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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