U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
