He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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