So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
