So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize