found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
