the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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