I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
a search helicopter?!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
