My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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