ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
